


The Art of Miscommunication

by richestgrave (eyedler)



Category: Slam Dunk
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-01
Updated: 2012-01-01
Packaged: 2017-11-05 08:30:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/404378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eyedler/pseuds/richestgrave
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hanamichi gets shot, and then he and Rukawa utterly fail to communicate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Art of Miscommunication

**Author's Note:**

> No real spoilers. Humor, but really just crack. Originally posted [here](http://ruhanaru.livejournal.com/3876.html) back in 2006.

Rukawa had been particularly displeased when he found out, through two very heated phone calls, that he and Sakuragi were a month late in paying both their telephone and electricity bills. They’ve only been living together for a little over two months now but even before moving in they’ve already settled on some of the House Rules: one, considering that they were both pitifully horrific in the kitchen, their main source of edible food will be from takeouts, deliveries and family endowments; two, Friday was Laundry Day; three, if people ask, they are “poor, college kids on athletic scholarships and are sharing an apartment to make ends meet and not, not, _totally not_ , because they’re screwing each other on a regular basis” (Sakuragi’s speech of choice, Rukawa simply settles on “go away”); and four, Rukawa does the menial labor on the odds, Sakuragi on the evens (not including Sundays and holidays).

It was Sakuragi’s turn to pay the bills. Except that he forgot. And so the day that Rukawa kicked him out of their apartment with very strict instructions not to return until he’s Fixed Things and that there will definitely be no Quality Time between them for a while—in not so many words, of course—Sakuragi found himself morosely navigating the city’s busy streets towards the closest bank he could find.

He hated banks. Mainly because people in there automatically assumed he was some kind of gangster—an assumption not quite limited to banks, unfortunately—and made him suffer through several indignities including, but not limited to, a more than reasonably thorough manual cupping. The first time it happened, he put a fist into the security guard’s face. But it’s been a long time between then and now. Now, Sakuragi just gives the guards glares. Glares, he can get away with. Anything physical would get him incarcerated again and Sakuragi’s learned that getting himself into prison was one of the things that made Rukawa want to not have sex with him. Sakuragi liked sex with Rukawa. It was on the top of his Favorite Things To Do. Well, right after Being Better Than Rukawa at Something, Anything, Whatever, But Preferably Basketball.

“Stupid fox,” Sakuragi grumbled, making his way into the bank and standing very, very still as several guards—three, actually—crowded around him and made sure he wasn’t carrying any firearms and other similarly dangerous things.

And then it happened.

Two masked men barged their way into the bank and fired several rounds into the ceiling, “This is a robbery! Hands up!”

The guards, all largely useless, as far as Sakuragi was concerned, were caught with their guns still in their holsters and were now forced to either unarm themselves or suffer a bullet through their person.

“Everyone but women and children, on the ground now!” the robber shouted to a chorus of cries. All men quickly complied, dropping to the floor with their hands over their heads.

Sakuragi was not impressed. But he was past the age where he thought he’d be able to compete with two men who obviously knew how to fire guns, so he sank to the floor with everyone else even as one of the robbers told all women and children, unless they were bank staff, to, “get out!”

Doors were subsequently locked and all entrances and exits were blocked.

“Okay, okay,” said one of the robbers, the shorter one wearing a long brown coat and thick black gloves. “Now what?”

“Get the tellers to empty their counters,” answered the other robber, a tall, thin man wearing a black trench coat and high leather boots.

Both robbers then spent the next ten minutes shoving money into sacks and cursing at one another, giving everyone an inkling that for all their quick, effective entrance, this particular robbery had not exactly been thought all the way through. When both robbers demanded that the manager open the clearly labeled timed bank safe, the “inkling” became an actual realization.

Meanwhile, Sakuragi, of course, was just lying still, bored out of his mind and too pissed off at his stupid boyfriend to actually worry properly about the fact that the robbery was escalating to a hostage situation. 

Sounds of police sirens were filling the streets outside and the now aptly labeled Incompetent Robbers had begun to panic in a not so very nice way.

The tall robber picked a hapless man from the floor and dragged him to the glass doors, pointing a gun to the man’s head and shouting for the police to, “go away! Go away or we’ll kill him! We’ll kill everyone in this bank!”

Sakuragi was lying near the front doors and has now suffered five very painful foot tramples. His anger was beginning to gain some steam. A lot of steam.

On the next trample, he reared up, caught the tall robber by the leg and wrestled him bodily into the ground. Several shots were fired as chaos descended. The security guards, perhaps not entirely useless after all, shot to their feet and fell upon the other robber, not so far away.

When the police broke in, both robbers were silently wishing they hadn’t left home and Sakuragi’s leg was bleeding, bleeding, _oh freaking god_ , bleeding.

Now Sakuragi was used to pain. Except he hadn’t been shot before and wasn’t quite prepared when the stupid, inconsiderate nurse and the clearly insane doctor in the ambulance shoved a scalpel into his thigh to extract the damned bullet which was just, ow, ow, a million times, _ow_.

“Hey, I need that leg you sick fuck!”

Sakuragi was pretty sure he screamed. Maybe even cried. In a manly way.

 

A month later, Sakuragi was still limping and Rukawa was getting annoyed—well, more annoyed than usual. Since Sakuragi pleaded Close Encounter With Death With Bullet Wound to Prove It, Rukawa had been doing all the housework. It was fine at first, Rukawa had only been too ecstatically happy—only inside his heart of hearts, of course—that his boyfriend hadn’t bled to death or gotten shot in the head (which, considering that it was _Sakuragi_ , was only a few of the things that could have possibly gone horribly wrong), but then Sakuragi was known for making the most out of certain situations.

Rukawa had brought him breakfast, lunch, and dinner in bed, given him massages and some dozen or so blowjobs which, while normally fun, was not as appealing when your lover can’t quite reciprocate. It also irked Rukawa to no end when, during the first week, Sakuragi was either too doped up with morphine or in too much pain to participate in any kind of sexual activity. For a young man like Rukawa, being denied sex for a week was a cruel thing indeed.

The last three weeks, there were other things to worry about. Nothing quite as alarming as being deprived of sex, of course. Sakuragi had begun to get addicted to the most horrible soap opera shows, one of which involved a talking bear (“Mogi! His name is Mogi, stupid fox!”) who sought to find acceptance in the cruel human world. Sakuragi had also missed their last two practice matches. His scholarship wasn’t in trouble as he’s been given leave of absence to recover from his injury, but Rukawa thought, with the way Sakuragi kept on packing in carbs while missing out on his regular exercise…

“Are you saying I’ve gotten _fat_?!”

Rukawa didn’t even think of lying. “Yes.” And after a pause. “Idiot.”

There was the expected shouting before Rukawa sidled up to Sakuragi and slapped him resoundingly on the stomach.

Sakuragi stopped mid-curse and blinked. “Huh.”

Rukawa nodded gravely.

“Well, shit.”

The next day, Sakuragi was working out in full steam and Rukawa was mildly alarmed until the doctor told him Sakuragi’s leg was completely healed. “Of course, your friend might be feeling a bit of discomfort from being idle for a while.”

Rukawa found it very pleasing indeed to have Sakuragi wandering around their apartment half naked and packing more muscle even after having shed all the weight he’d gained from his recovery period. However, one time, when Sakuragi had caught him staring on appreciatively, it was rubbed in his face quite thoroughly that Rukawa had promised to never, _ever_ let Sakuragi catch him staring again. At least until his newly gained physical vanity came to pass—or pushed aside so that Sakuragi would only preen for two minutes instead of a full hour whenever Rukawa cast him an admiring glance.

And so, one morning, right after Rukawa had gotten off the shower and had spotted a particularly mouth-watering Sakuragi doing some weight-lifting on their apartment balcony, he steeled himself and walked stiffly into their room. He turned the television on to whatever channel was already there, upped the volume, and proceeded to jack off, Sakuragi’s image foremost in his mind. Business done, Rukawa threw on his clothes and proceeded to class.

 

Later that afternoon, Sakuragi sat in the middle of the bedroom, deep in thought. This morning, he’d caught Rukawa jacking himself off, which wouldn’t be so unusual if he wasn’t quite obviously trying to keep Sakuragi out of it. What was even more troubling was that Rukawa had been watching Mogi the Bear. While jerking off. Rukawa had been watching _Mogi the Bear_.

Sakuragi stared at the television screen, now showing a rerun of the aforementioned bear's show…his new rival of sorts for Rukawa’s affections, apparently. He folded his arms and pursed his lips, not really surprised (because he can totally believe that his fox can be weird like that), but very, very annoyed and, admittedly, slightly distressed over the idea that he might be losing his fox to a goddamned talking bear.

“Stupid fox,” Sakuragi grumbled as he began to plot.

Three hours was not enough time for a normal person to do what Sakuragi planned to do, but Sakuragi was hardly a normal person, and he had a knack for making people work in his best interests. Two phone calls, a store visit, and a few hostile glare downs later, Sakuragi was Ready.

 

When Rukawa got home from class and basketball practice, he noticed immediately that something was up. The apartment was very, very quiet, and very, very dark. Carefully, he closed the door behind him and turned on the living room lights.

He dropped his things on the floor and left the take out in the kitchen before taking a peak through the slightly ajar door of their bedroom.

There was a figure on the bed. A tall figure that Rukawa would’ve initially assumed to be Sakuragi, except that he didn’t recall his boyfriend having such large ears before.

Very calmly, Rukawa reached for a tall chair, walked in the room, chair held up defensively in front of him, and turned on the lights.

“Well,” Sakuragi said, hands…paws…folded across his chest and looking annoyed. “Look who decided to finally come home.” He was wearing a ridiculous brown suit and a pair of very big ears were attached to the top of his head.

Rukawa blinked, dropping the chair to the floor in a loud clatter. It took him a while to realize it, but it appeared as if Sakuragi was dressed as a bear.

“Uh,” Rukawa said, blinking rapidly. “What…?”

Sakuragi glared at his boyfriend, displeased. “Two years. We’ve been together for two years. You’re not getting rid of me just like that.” He glared pointedly at the television screen, currently turned off.

Rukawa suddenly thought he knew what was going on. “Okay,” he said. So his boyfriend has grown a little too obsessed with his favorite bear show and was now challenging him, Rukawa, to call him on it. Maybe even testing if Rukawa’s Love Was True—or some other stupid, romantic, nonsense reason that only Sakuragi could ever conceive. Well, if Rukawa’s tolerance with (okay, also, attraction to) his many quirks these past two years wasn’t enough to clue Sakuragi in that yes, Rukawa might slightly be in love with him, he was quite prepared to suffer through this current…oddity without complaint.

Rukawa slowly shrugged off his clothes and walked into the bathroom to brush his teeth. When he came out, Sakuragi was still sitting on the bed, staring at him in an irritated and anticipating sort of way. Rukawa leaned over and kissed him soundly on the lips, before getting himself into the covers and settling in. “Good night,” he said, reaching for the bedside lamp and turning it off.

He was a second away from sleep when Sakuragi poked him painfully in the ribs. Rukawa shot up and turned to glare at his bear-clad boyfriend properly, but said boyfriend was already digging himself into the covers and climbing on top him.

Rukawa knew quite immediately that Sakuragi wanted to have sex. Rukawa found that he himself was also very much for that idea except that the bear costume…suit…pajamas seemed difficult to bypass at the moment. He was about to rip it all off when Sakuragi reached behind him and Rukawa distinctly heard a zipper being undone. Except that the bear suit didn’t come off, what Sakuragi did was simply provide a large, convenient hole in some convenient places.

Sakuragi obviously wanted to have sex while wearing the stupid thing.

Rukawa was about to tell—more like show—Sakuragi what he thought about that when he stopped himself. He didn’t intend to make his boyfriend want to dramatically jump off the roof as per Sakuragi's Standard Reaction whenever he Broke His Heart. So he steeled himself and thought, _Sakuragi_ , who was usually hot, and proceeded with the show, putting some extra heart into it and hoping it would somehow convince the stupid red head that Rukawa was here to stay…regardless of bear suits.

Of course, later, Rukawa thought, _Three days. The suit goes off or I wrestle him out of it._

 

Sakuragi, meanwhile, was both pleased at his cunning and a little alarmed by Rukawa’s unusual display of candor when they made love. The good news was that Rukawa was still very much attracted to him. The bad news was that Rukawa had a bear fetish….and the bear suit was here to stay.

Sakuragi groaned inwardly and thought, _No way. I’ll give the stupid fox three days. Three days. If he tries to leave me, I’ll tie him to the damned bed._

 

Sakuragi was quite relieved come morning when Rukawa made no move to break up with him as he walked into the kitchen for breakfast wearing ordinary clothes. It was perhaps safe to assume the bear was only a night…thing.

Of course, three days later, Sakuragi was ready to call the bear quits completely, except he’d want to butter up his boyfriend first before telling him.

 

It was Sunday morning, and Rukawa was lounging around in the living room, preparing to do what he loves to do: sleep, when Sakuragi walked in wearing the dreaded bear suit.

Rukawa was of a mind to tell him off…except his mind short-circuited when Sakuragi dove for his pants. Then Rukawa stopped thinking altogether.

It was less than three minutes later when Kogure dropped by for a visit and caught them in a most compromising position indeed.

 

“I was doing it for him!” Sakuragi was shouting, now, thankfully, in ordinary clothes and pointing quite emphatically at his boyfriend.

Rukawa glared at him and simply said, “Idiot.”

“Argh!”

Kogure had to duck to avoid the flying piece of…whatever it was…from hitting him in the face. It seemed Sakuragi lost his aim when he was emotional. Or maybe Sakuragi was really just aiming at Kogure.

“Um,” Kogure began, raising his hands, face still blood red from having seen… _Nothing, nothing, absolutely nothing,_ he quickly thought, before saying out loud, “Maybe I should leave and you can talk about this in private?” It was a nice suggestion, except neither of his friends were paying attention to him so when he sneaked up to the door and ran off, both Rukawa and Sakuragi simply continued arguing.

“Your stupid bear fetish!” Sakuragi screamed, still angrily pointing at Rukawa. “I got that stupid suit so you wouldn’t leave me and…”

“What?” came Rukawa’s unusually loud reply.

“I said, I was doing this for your stupid bear fetish!”

Rukawa was very, very confused. “Don’t you mean _your_ stupid bear fetish?”

“What?!” Sakuragi exclaimed. “I don’t have a bear fetish!”

“Well, neither do I!”

“Yes you do!”

“No I don’t!”

“But I caught you! You were jacking off to Mogi!”

Rukawa was very sure that Sakuragi was very wrong. “Who?”

“Mogi!”

“Who the hell is Mogi?!”

“Mogi the stupid, fucking bear!”

“What the fuck?! No I haven’t!”

“I caught you!”

“Why would I jerk off to a stupid bear?”

“Because you don’t love me anymore!”

“Wasn’t true then, but _could_ be true now.”

With that, Sakuragi launched himself across the room. Rukawa met him halfway and they both fell to the floor, fists, elbows and knees going every which way and occasionally making contact.

“I’ll kill you, stupid fox!”

“You _idiot_!”

When they separated to lick their wounds, Sakuragi was already saying, “You liar! I caught you red-handed three days ago. You were watching Mogi on TV and you were keeping it a secret from me!”

Rukawa opened his mouth to retort when, finally, something in his head clicked. And then he said, “Oh.”

Sakuragi looked triumphant for a while until Rukawa started to talk. It was the most he’d ever talked his whole life.

And then Sakuragi said, “Oh.”

 

A full thirty minutes passed, and both Sakuragi and Rukawa were sitting on their living room couch, silent and very much dumbfounded.

Finally, Rukawa said, “So you thought I was actually watching TV when…”

“Shut up,” Sakuragi muttered, looking anywhere but his possibly ex-boyfriend. “You thought I was obsessed with…”

“It’s not too hard to imagine.”

“Well it’s not too hard to imagine you’re getting off on a talking bear either,” Sakuragi returned with a huff.

There was silence again.

Rukawa broke it this time. “That was…kind of sweet, though,” he said in a very low voice. “What you did.”

“Yeah, well,” Sakuragi replied, still grumbling, “I _am_ a sweet guy.”

Rukawa didn’t smack him, but he really, really wanted to.

“And what you did. That was also…kind of sweet,” Sakuragi conceded. He crossed his arms and said in an all too casual voice, “So we’re okay…”

“Yeah.”

“It’s only been two months.”

“And two years.”

“We’ll be better next time,” Sakuragi said, sounding optimistic.

Rukawa seriously doubted it.

“So can we have regular sex again?”

“Okay.”

“…I love you.”

“Idiot.”


End file.
